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5 Reasons Why a Survivor Might Return to Abusive Partner

Apr 24, 2025 | Battered Women's Support Services

It’s often challenging for many people to understand why a survivor choose to stay in the relationship or would even consider returning to their abusive partner after taking action to escape and leave.

While this may not seem logical to others, survivors navigate complex situations that often involve considerations for their safety as well as the safety of others.

There are several additional barriers that can contribute to survivors returning to or staying in an abusive relationship. Here are 5 completely understandable reasons…

Learn about post-separation abuse, the continuation of power and control tactics by an abusive partner after the relationship has ended.
Read Jade’s Story, a true story of a survivor and her two sons’ journey through post-separation abuse.  
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Reason #1 - Fear of Escalation

Survivors may fear that leaving will result in escalated violence or even lethal consequences, either for themselves or for loved ones.
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Reason #2 - Financial Dependence

Financial dependence on the abusive partner, particularly when children are involved, can make it extremely difficult for victims to leave and support themselves independently.
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Reason #3 - Social Isolation

Abusive often isolate their victims from friends, family, and support networks, leaving them feeling alone and without resources or a support system to turn to. Making it challenging to leave the relationship.
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Reason #4 - Child Custody

Many survivors with children must consider the possibility of encountering a family court system that awards shared custody with their abusive ex-partner. They worry about the safety and security of their children left alone with the abusive ex-partner, who may retaliate by harming their children, ultimately leading them to return in order to protect their children.
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Reason #5 - Emotional Attachment

Despite the abuse, survivors may have conflicting feelings of emotional attachment to their abusive partner, making it challenging to break away from the relationship entirely.

Navigating these barriers requires careful consideration and often involves difficult decisions about safety, security, and personal well-being. So, the next time you’re tempted to say, “Why doesn’t she just leave already?” consider the points we just discussed.

Just as survivors may have reasons for returning to their abusive partners, the partners who are abusive will exploit the same vulnerable areas that survivors experience as tactics for post-separation abuse.

If you or someone you know needs support, BWSS is here. You can create a safety plan or speak with an advocate confidentially by calling our crisis line at 1-855-687-1868. Together, we can explore your options and help you reclaim safety.

Violence Against Women Prevention Week (April 20–April 26) and Fashion Revolution Week (April 22–April 27)

During this Violence Against Women Prevention Week, as we #WearJustice #BuildSafety, we will share more resources on post-separation abuse – why a survivor might return, common tactics of post-separation abuse and provide strategies for overcoming them. Stay tuned. 
Learn More About #WearJustice #BuildSafety

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